fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We named our party play list daddy issues
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
