You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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