Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
