Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
