i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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