I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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