capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was like getting head from an anaconda
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
