Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
