Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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