if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
