They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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