I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
