Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
