remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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