Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
