You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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