and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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