Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
