Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Enjoy the penises
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
