she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
