why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
