Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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