im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
