: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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