Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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