Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
