I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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