Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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