There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
