Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
