Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
