I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
