this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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