Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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