I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
