Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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