oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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