I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
