well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
