I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
