So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
