One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
