i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
