Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
