Well now I have my semen on her headphones
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
