Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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