...so i touched it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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