dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
