just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
