Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
