So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
