worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
