I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
